simplify

So, my blog was pretty much giving me a headache.  So I've decided to simplify so bare with me as I'm sure the layout will be changing a lot over the next little while until I figure things out.  I think it's ugly right now, but at least it is white.  Anyway I've been thinking a lot lately.  Which isn't always a good thing and is guaranteed to help me be grumpy in the morning as I don't get enough sleep because I'm up all night with a brain that wont shut off.  I mean for real, I'm awake for at least 16 hours a day, you'd think that my brain would get all of its thinking done during that time.  But it turns out I do my best thinking in the dark.....with soft snoring coming from the husbands side of the bed.  Who knew?  One of the things I've been thinking about (besides a cleaner, simpler blog) is what I want to do this year.  It's January and we had our Goal planning FHE last night and so for several days I've been thinking about what I want to do and be this year.  A few years ago there was a man who gave a talk in our ward about setting goals and he basically said that our goals have to stretch us or else what good are they.  And stretching isn't always a very comfortable position.  It pulls, it twangs in places and can leave you with a limp for a week if you don't do it right.  But if done correctly and regularly can leave you being able to do things you've only dreamed of doing.  So I hate the growing part.  I hate putting myself out there, butt to the wind vulnerable.  It's so much easier to cling to what I know and just push through.  But I'm finding that all the clinging and pushing through has left me in a rut.  One dug by myself of course, but a rut none the less.  I'm finding myself unhappy and unfulfilled and bored and just tired of it all.  But the thought of breaking away and doing new things puts terror flowing through my veins and almost petrifies me in place.  I mean, who doesn't love doing the comfortable?  Who doesn't love their comfy pants (mine are my pj pants or my yoga pants)  I'd wear them every day if I didn't hear my mother's voice screaming through my head (and that's a long story from my childhood).  So, what is so terrifying you ask?  I'm thinking of going back to school.  Whew.  I said it.  Now, I'm not ready to kiss the kids goodbye and head out the door, but I'm in the "what if" stage of thinking.  I graduated from college with an AA in Office Management.  Which could get me a nice secretary job somewhere.  But I find that people pretty much hire whoever they want and are willing to teach them what they need to know to do the job instead of hiring those who may be the most qualified.  I did graduate 11 years ago and I promise that computers have changed quite a bit since then.  I can no longer type 90 words a minute with minimal mistakes.  I can probably clip along at 75 and the delete key and I get along great.  But I'm at the point in my life where all my kids are in school.  Abbie's in kindergarten so she just does half days.  So I'm not ready to head back to work just yet, but I won't lie and say that a job on September 1st would be wonderful.  So I'm starting to think of what kind of jobs I want etc.  And basically there is only one place I want to work.  I want to work at the school.  I want my summers free, I want the same holidays my kids have and I want to be done the same time they're done so that we can all go home together.  I do not want to leave my kids home alone so I can work.  I don't even really want to work full time.  Part time would be grand, but hello, it's the school.  They pretty much are part time.  Even a full day is only 6 hours.  Ok, maybe 7.  Anyway, with the skills I have right now I could be the secretary or the librarian.  Both jobs I'd love to have.  Both jobs are filled.  By people older than me, but way too young to think of retiring especially when they have such cushy jobs.  So it might be time to go back to school.  I've thought of being a teacher, but I don't know if that's what I really want (that's a lot of school and I really do feel old and I've had kids and my brain fo-shizzle ain't what it used to be and even my brain at it's full capacity isn't the brightest bulb in the box.  But I work hard and that seems to make the difference.)  So it's time to think and pray and see what paths open up before me.  (feel free to pray for me too.  Dear Lord, help Laura find a job.  The job she needs so she can still be home with her kids.  And place it in her lap and tie it with a big bow because she's not that great and putting herself out there....Amen.  Snort.  If only it was that easy huh?  The good part at where I'm at is that even though a job on Sept. 1st would be beautiful I can wait for a job to open up.  But I will admit that life at home gets a little boring during the day.  Only so much to be done.  So I find myself wasting time on facebook and the like.  (Although I have started Family Search Indexing and I LOVE it).   So that's a little tiny bit of the stuff I've been thinking about.  I also have some goals that I'd like to post, but I'll save that for tomorrow.  So have a gooder and I'll ttys,

L