So, I got some sad news today. I found out that my mom's dad has lymph node cancer and his time is limited. (but not too limited) I was shocked to hear the news. I always seem to take it well over the phone, but once it has set in I cry. I'm trying not to cry because even though his time is limited we're not sure how much time that is. We're heading down to Utah for American Thanksgiving and he will be there. So it will be the last time I see him. And that will be very hard I think. I'm not going to tell my kids because they don't really need to know. They don't know their great grandpa Anderson very well and it would just make them very sad. Depending on how he physically is when we get there I might not tell them until he has actually passed on.
It did get me thinking today about life and our life expectancy. My uncle Steve died of colon cancer several years ago, my grandma Richins has a scare with breast cancer and now my grandpa on my mom's side has cancer. I told Mike that it's looking good that I will die of cancer. While he will still be here on his 100th birthday. (His grandpa Walker just turned 93 a few weeks ago) It just makes me sad. I mean I guess I could be positive and say that I was 27 when my Grandma Richins died and I'll now be 29 when my Grandpa Anderson passes too. And that's a long time to have grandparents. But it all seems so short. And not how I expected him to go. But the Lord knows what he's doing, so we'll go to Utah and we'll have fun and then we'll all be able to look back on the happy times and the laughter and the tears that I'm sure we'll shed.
How am I going to be able to say 'goodbye' knowing it will be the last time I see him in this life? That is going to kill me. But that is the only good thing about cancer. To know you're dying and it gives you those extra days to put your life in order and to have no regrets. Not that it makes dying any easier or less painful, but at least you know it is coming and it gives you time to prepare. Oh, this stinks.
5 comments:
I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. I think you should just enjoy every minute you have with him while you're in Utah. I would ask him to tell stories and maybe video tape it or record it or something...that way you still have memories. Just a thought!
Also, where in Utah will you be? Not to be selfish, but I'd love to see you if you're around and near me! :)
That is so sad. I have often wondered if it is easier to know when person will die.
When my best friends' mom gave birth to them the doctors found cancer. She was given a blessing that she would be able to raise her children. She was able to raise her children and died a few months after my friends turned 20.
But a few months after that my friend died in a freak accident. It was such a shock and was really hard on me. More than my best friends mom passing.
It just means to me that we have to firm in the gospel and be so thankful for the time we have get to spend with each one of our relationships.
Hope you have a wonderful time with your grandpa in his last days. We'll be thinking of you and your family.
Sorry to hear the word about your Grandpa. I also feel so blessed to be 33 and have had many good years with both sets of Grandparents. Grandma Richins passing was so sudden, which is still hard to believe she is not here. My dad, we had some time with, but it still didn't make it any easier. There was still not enough time to talk, hug, kiss, etc. There is never enough time.
Have a good time in Utah.
The contrast between you and Christopher taking the news about Grandpa is amusing. I don't mean to trivialize your grief AT ALL, but Christopher just takes it so lightly, it's interesting.
Hey,
It is sad, but I agree that it hasn't hit yet. It made me start thinking more though because although we didn't know him very well I can think of some other grandparents that we are really close with and when they go on...it will really shake me. It is just a bracing reality check that they are all getting older and we really need to appreciate the time we have with all of them. Oh, and it makes me realize how amazing it is that Granny Baer is still alive.
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