I'm feeling a bit BLUE today. It doesn't help that it's raining...again. I'm feeling a bit of a repeat of last year when I had to escape to SUNNY California. But no escape is in sight this summer (pah! Who am I kidding? We're coming into 18 months of the longest winter I've ever seen) as we have plans and things scheduled that make it impossible to pack my bags and head south.
Several things seem to be on my mind today and not even The Book of Awesome can help me out.
{must read if you haven't. I'm going to buy it the first time I see it!}
I seem to be lost in echoes today. Echoes of what coulda, woulda, shoulda been. I'm curled up in the house doing laundry and the dishes and thinking about the stuff I should be doing like the show choir scrapbook etc, but I feel no desire to even start that.
And not to change the subject, but I've got a question. At what point do I get help for my moody blues? I mean when the sun is shining it is a beautiful day, but when it's raining and dreary it's all I can do to get dressed and put a fake smile on my face. I get through the day because I don't have a choice. But at what point do I see a Dr. Because as much as I'd love to pop a pill and be myself again I really don't like the idea of needing to pop anything (besides the top of a Dr. Pepper) to make me myself. When the sun shines I'm myself. But I'm finding it hard day after day to make myself happy. And on the flips side of that....how I long to be myself again. I've turned into a stranger who has my face, but I don't hardly recognize any of the thoughts or feelings that flow through me. I've learned that I'm a really good faker and it breaks my little withered sun deprived heart. Oh, how I have missed venting.
I find when I'm down that it's SO easy to find thing to complain about. Honest to goodness I have 10 things that I could complain about right now without even needing to stop typing. They just flow in and my fingers itch to write them so that they'll stop driving me CraZy! {wait....what? I was already crazy before all of this?! Perfect}
So now that I've given myself something to ponder (to pill or not to pill) I am going to make myself write 5 things that are AWESOME.
{1} Laundry Day. I love laundry day. I love wearing my yoga pants and there's nothing like folding clean, warm clothes and making neat piles for the kids to put away.
{2} Abbie. This girl is my heart and soul and she's the first one to pipe up "Love you Mom!" just when I need to hear it the most.
{3} The Chiropractor. It's my favorite day of the month!! Nothing like a little Snap, Crackle, Pop to make me feel better
{4} Season 2 of Grey's Anatomy is waiting for me....I just have to start ironing to watch it!
{5}Realizing that even though it took me 15 minutes to write the first 2, 3-5 came rather quickly. Maybe I need to think happy thoughts more often.
ps. I showed Ky the 3 dresses last night and she has picked this one.
I'm not sure if I'm going to get it or not. I like this one.
So we'll see. I'll be ordering something on Friday. So stay tuned.
5 comments:
I love this post laura for your honesty all of it but now I want to come over and give you a big hug! {{So just go tanning a couple times a week ha ha! lay there pretend your on a beach {and not getting skin cancer} it does wonders I don't do it often but once in awhile I do just to feel the fake sun!
So I can't really honestly answer your question but it makes me feel sad and I hope the answer thats right for you will come! {I love ky's pick I think that was one of my favs too!}
You are wonderful! I'm so glad were friends and have been for so long come vent anytime! Or if I can do anything else! You are awesome! {or maybe a bunch of us could go to vegas sounds good to me!} love ya!!!
well well well, everytime I see you or read your blog or visit with you I feel like we are so much alike! i too struggle with this, have done the pills, they worked for a time but the feeling of always being dependent on something I really struggled with. I still take a very low dose antidepressant that helps with my migraines and has seemed to take the edge of emotionally enough for me to be able to handle them better plus alot of writing and trust me my kids know oh so well how I can be on a bad day....watch out!
Have you ever heard of seasonal affective disorder? that is what it soounds like to me..but I am no doctor ya know! but you can buy special lights to help with it all.
We should totally hang out sometime...you and the kids should come over for din-din and games soon!
sister why so blue i love you i hope that video made you smile and happy today i know some days are harder than others i wish i was there to lend shoulder to cry on thats what sisters do. i love love love that awesome sign you have it makes me think about how awesome you are my dear sister who i miss anyway lots of love chine up sis and have a good day tom k
SO it sounds like SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) to me. And, ironically enough, the best treatment is full spectrum light. You know -- like a tanning bed. I had one winter semester when I had classes from sun-up to sun-down and seriously NEVER saw the sun. I went tanning for 10 minutes twice a week. Maybe it was the warmth and rays, or just having about 45 minutes to myself to breath and relax-- but it seriously helped me out. So I'd go for the tanning. You'll feel better (and look so glowy and healthy!). Also, I'd recommend yoga-- but that's my personal go to. Jack thinks it's stupid and uncomfortable- but I love it and I am much more relaxed after.
Maybe you need more Vitamin D. Or B12. The sun has a physical affect on us, invest in a good vitamin supplement and a tanning bed isn't a bad idea either! You're just so used to the sun being from Yuba City. I love the rain because I mostly grew up in Eureka. :o)
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