Bad Dreams

You can really tell the pressure is getting to me. Every night this week I have had nightmares about the test results. And of course I can't tell Mike because it would make him anxious too. I keep dreaming that he doesn't pass by like 1 point. Which is random because I don't think they do it by points. But the dreams seem to stretch the whole night and I wake in the morning just sick to my stomach and I keep telling myself "plan for the worst". And it makes me sick!! I just don't know if I could handle this one more year. I'm so tired of pinching for money and for things being tight all the time. I'm tired of all of our savings every year going towards the 12 weeks mike doesn't work so he can study. I want to build my own house. I want food storage. I want to save money. I want to be past this point that we're at in our lives. We've been running in place it seems for about 4 years and I'm so tired of it all. Our family is done, the kids are growing and I feel as though we're ready to take that next step. We're ready to become "adults" where we have a "real" job and we don't have school anymore and we don't have to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on schooling. We're getting older by the second, I'm ready to be an adult now. So let's bring it on. Aaaah!! I wish today was Friday. And at the same time I'm so scared for Friday to be here. So, pray for me. To be able to face whatever Friday holds for us.