I know it's been a while since I've posted. To say that things have been crazy would be an understatement. So today is a Thankful Thursday, but it might not sound like it at first. But I promise, I'll end on a good note, so bare with me today.
I need to make clear before I start that I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately.
I wasn't able to sleep in this past weekend at all and so I wasn't able to catch up on a week of not enough sleep. So I'm going about 2 weeks of late nights. So that pretty much doesn't help anything. Just makes my emotions that much closer to the breaking point and closer to the surface.
To say that things have been stressful is a bit of a joke. I have so many things going on in my life right now that have deadlines that are NOW that it is enough to make me want to bawl. Which I have done several times in the past day.
Yesterday this thought ran through my head "When the going gets tough....the tough just want to crawl into their bed, pull the covers over their head and cry until they're ready to 'get going'" This past week I've had to deal with the Primary Presentation, which went really well. The kids were way more prepared than I was. I was shaking and could hardly do my part. And I just had to hold pictures for the kids who had talks. After the presentation I just wanted to go home and rest.
I had a meeting last week with the PAC {Parent Advisory Counsel} Our elementary school is doing character education and the PAC takes a month and we present the theme for the month during an assembly. Our word is Integrity. Yup. Nice. So we had a 2 hour meeting to discuss what we wanted to do. And we did figure it out, but there is still a lot of work that needs to be done on it and the presentation is in 2 weeks. I have to find a game board and haven't even started, not to mention Christal and I are supposed to come up with questions. Sigh.
Show Choir is steaming ahead full steam. Tonight is my last "presentation". But I present 2 songs. I have one done and the other one has the very beginning, like 2 rows and that's it. LOL. I can't even bring myself to look and see how many pages it is. So that's what I'm supposed to be doing now. To say I'm stressed about that is an understatement. I do my best choreography when I'm under the gun, but really? I'm just feeling sick to my stomach and a bit weepy to be honest. (So I'll not be answering my phone until the song is done)
I have weigh in this morning. I gained 2 pounds last week (compliments of Thanksgiving and to be honest, just horrible eating on my part) and I'm sure I've gained another pound this week. Stress does not good things to my eating habits. So I'm embarrassed to go in and talk to Clayton. 2 weeks in a row of weight gain. He's going to think I'm not focused enough and I'm not. I'm not sure what to do for myself. I just want to hide with embarrassment. So I'm stressed about that too.
Yesterday I had a mom call me (this took up most of my day) and she was concerned about the H1N1 virus. She said that we have a confirmed case at the school and the child's mom and siblings who weren't infected were still going to the school. This stirred up a whole pot of bees that I don't even want to get into because I'm still annoyed and embarrassed and a thousand other things. But I got chewed out by the school and basically it wasn't a good day.
Last night was Relief Society and of course auntie shrew is there because it's her calling (the secretary) and she starts talking to me as soon as I show up. Can't she just not talk to me. Especially after the day I had yesterday I didn't even want to hear her voice. So she starts talking to me about putting Aaron into hockey. For the 100th time, Aaron is NOT going into hockey for 1000 reasons, the top two being 1) he can't skate well enough, especially for other hockey players his age and 2) it is VERY expensive and I can't excuse the cost for a 6 week program. Ok, it is probably longer than 6 weeks, but seriously not worth the cost.
Anyway, so she also starts talking about the H1N1 flu shot. I said we're not getting the shot. It makes me a little nervous to be honest. I don't get a normal flu shot. I don't understand what the big deal is for the swine flu. I don't believe that if we get sick that we will die. And we've gotten flu shots before and still have picked up every single germ that was out there. Everyone is super crazy about washing their hands and keeping your kids home from school if they show flu like symptoms. Great. My kids pretty much scream (aaron the worst) when we get shots and you know, it's just not big of a deal to me. So back to the story, with every person that walked into the door last night if they were going to get their flu shot. WHO CARES. Although I was a little surprised that a woman who works in the Dr.s office is not getting one. Interesting. But anyway, for now, I don't think we need to get it. I'm not worried about it. Will we probably get the H1N1. Yes. Will it be the end of the world? Doubtful. Will we survive? Yup. So auntie shrew is back on my crap list. When I see her I just want to jump on her and scratch her face off. Seriously, not a good week this week. Mike insists she was put on this earth to make me more patient and loving. I just tell him he's smoking dope because she's his sister.
So after several crying jags yesterday I just felt spent at the end of the day. I got home at 9 from RS and Mike was still awake, so I couldn't go to bed. So I checked facebook and my email etc and then read my scriptures while I waited for him to shut the tv off and go to sleep (finally happened around 10:15). As I was shutting my scriptures
I checked out the next chapter to see how long it was. If it was short to medium I would read it. It wasn't, it was a good 3 pager. But as I was closing them I saw a verse highlighted and so I paused to read it and this is what it said
"But that ye have patience and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions." {Alma 34:41}
Ahhhh, the tears started again and as the words spoke to my head first and then my heart I thought this is JUST what I needed to hear today. The peace flooded through me and I thought I will live to carry on another day. A small tender mercy from a Father who knows His daughter is struggling and suffering. So today I am thankful for a Father who comforted His daughter when she felt at the end of her rope. Thankful to know that he knew what I needed to hear. Just Thankful.
So this morning the peace is lingering. I don't feel the pressure of doom and gloom that I've been feeling with intensity this whole week. I still feel the looming deadlines, but not with a heavy heart. Today is a new day and all I have to do today is make it through today. I might be praying every hour to get me through the next hour, but it will only make me MORE aware of my HF and how He's near.
I need to make clear before I start that I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately.
I wasn't able to sleep in this past weekend at all and so I wasn't able to catch up on a week of not enough sleep. So I'm going about 2 weeks of late nights. So that pretty much doesn't help anything. Just makes my emotions that much closer to the breaking point and closer to the surface. To say that things have been stressful is a bit of a joke. I have so many things going on in my life right now that have deadlines that are NOW that it is enough to make me want to bawl. Which I have done several times in the past day.
Yesterday this thought ran through my head "When the going gets tough....the tough just want to crawl into their bed, pull the covers over their head and cry until they're ready to 'get going'" This past week I've had to deal with the Primary Presentation, which went really well. The kids were way more prepared than I was. I was shaking and could hardly do my part. And I just had to hold pictures for the kids who had talks. After the presentation I just wanted to go home and rest. I had a meeting last week with the PAC {Parent Advisory Counsel} Our elementary school is doing character education and the PAC takes a month and we present the theme for the month during an assembly. Our word is Integrity. Yup. Nice. So we had a 2 hour meeting to discuss what we wanted to do. And we did figure it out, but there is still a lot of work that needs to be done on it and the presentation is in 2 weeks. I have to find a game board and haven't even started, not to mention Christal and I are supposed to come up with questions. Sigh.
Show Choir is steaming ahead full steam. Tonight is my last "presentation". But I present 2 songs. I have one done and the other one has the very beginning, like 2 rows and that's it. LOL. I can't even bring myself to look and see how many pages it is. So that's what I'm supposed to be doing now. To say I'm stressed about that is an understatement. I do my best choreography when I'm under the gun, but really? I'm just feeling sick to my stomach and a bit weepy to be honest. (So I'll not be answering my phone until the song is done)
I have weigh in this morning. I gained 2 pounds last week (compliments of Thanksgiving and to be honest, just horrible eating on my part) and I'm sure I've gained another pound this week. Stress does not good things to my eating habits. So I'm embarrassed to go in and talk to Clayton. 2 weeks in a row of weight gain. He's going to think I'm not focused enough and I'm not. I'm not sure what to do for myself. I just want to hide with embarrassment. So I'm stressed about that too.
Yesterday I had a mom call me (this took up most of my day) and she was concerned about the H1N1 virus. She said that we have a confirmed case at the school and the child's mom and siblings who weren't infected were still going to the school. This stirred up a whole pot of bees that I don't even want to get into because I'm still annoyed and embarrassed and a thousand other things. But I got chewed out by the school and basically it wasn't a good day.
Last night was Relief Society and of course auntie shrew is there because it's her calling (the secretary) and she starts talking to me as soon as I show up. Can't she just not talk to me. Especially after the day I had yesterday I didn't even want to hear her voice. So she starts talking to me about putting Aaron into hockey. For the 100th time, Aaron is NOT going into hockey for 1000 reasons, the top two being 1) he can't skate well enough, especially for other hockey players his age and 2) it is VERY expensive and I can't excuse the cost for a 6 week program. Ok, it is probably longer than 6 weeks, but seriously not worth the cost.
Anyway, so she also starts talking about the H1N1 flu shot. I said we're not getting the shot. It makes me a little nervous to be honest. I don't get a normal flu shot. I don't understand what the big deal is for the swine flu. I don't believe that if we get sick that we will die. And we've gotten flu shots before and still have picked up every single germ that was out there. Everyone is super crazy about washing their hands and keeping your kids home from school if they show flu like symptoms. Great. My kids pretty much scream (aaron the worst) when we get shots and you know, it's just not big of a deal to me. So back to the story, with every person that walked into the door last night if they were going to get their flu shot. WHO CARES. Although I was a little surprised that a woman who works in the Dr.s office is not getting one. Interesting. But anyway, for now, I don't think we need to get it. I'm not worried about it. Will we probably get the H1N1. Yes. Will it be the end of the world? Doubtful. Will we survive? Yup. So auntie shrew is back on my crap list. When I see her I just want to jump on her and scratch her face off. Seriously, not a good week this week. Mike insists she was put on this earth to make me more patient and loving. I just tell him he's smoking dope because she's his sister.
So after several crying jags yesterday I just felt spent at the end of the day. I got home at 9 from RS and Mike was still awake, so I couldn't go to bed. So I checked facebook and my email etc and then read my scriptures while I waited for him to shut the tv off and go to sleep (finally happened around 10:15). As I was shutting my scriptures
I checked out the next chapter to see how long it was. If it was short to medium I would read it. It wasn't, it was a good 3 pager. But as I was closing them I saw a verse highlighted and so I paused to read it and this is what it said"But that ye have patience and bear with those afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions." {Alma 34:41}
Ahhhh, the tears started again and as the words spoke to my head first and then my heart I thought this is JUST what I needed to hear today. The peace flooded through me and I thought I will live to carry on another day. A small tender mercy from a Father who knows His daughter is struggling and suffering. So today I am thankful for a Father who comforted His daughter when she felt at the end of her rope. Thankful to know that he knew what I needed to hear. Just Thankful.
So this morning the peace is lingering. I don't feel the pressure of doom and gloom that I've been feeling with intensity this whole week. I still feel the looming deadlines, but not with a heavy heart. Today is a new day and all I have to do today is make it through today. I might be praying every hour to get me through the next hour, but it will only make me MORE aware of my HF and how He's near.
1 comment:
I love you! I love how real your posts are, and what a wonderful way to end your day. I too have been trying to be more diligent at reading the scriptures. Aren't you glad you read them last night? Changes your entire outlook!
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