It's taken me a while to figure out what I want to do as my new years resolution. I've hummed and hawed over tons of things. I made a list of everything I'd like to do and become - needless to say that list was WAY too long and out of control and it made me feel like I totally suck and can't do anything right in this world. So I scrapped that sucker into the fire and tried to simplify. And so I've got a small mental list of things that I'd like to do. Some spiritual, some mental, some physical. And I've just decided to share one with you so that YOU can help ME become a better person.
In the past couple of weeks something that I had told someone in Primary has blown up into this HUGE ordeal and once again I'm looking as though I "run the primary" which I was specifically told not to do when I was called into primary. Now, the Primary president is totally aware of what's been going on since even before the words have slipped out of my mouth so this isn't something that I said and now it's getting back to me etc - if you know what I'm talking about. But anyway week after week this has slowly been spiralling out of control and the bishopric member over the primary has been informed and now I'm sure he's thinking what a (*&#( I am and how he wishes that he'd never put me in this position and he probably wishes that I'd move into a different ward. Don't worry Brother Salmon, if I had it my way I'd be out of this ward too.
I'm going to pause right here and say how much I love the Primary. This is the easiest calling I've had in a long time and I love every second of it. I love the sisters in the presidency, I love the teachers (except for this one) and I LOVE the children. They truly are a delight, even when I want to strangle them.
Anyway, so as the Primary drama is coming to a head I've decided that it's really and truly time for me to seriously think about all of the words that come out of my mouth and ponder this one question "Can this comment be taken in the wrong way? and "Will this comment come around and bite me in the butt in 2 weeks?" Now this doesn't include just church things either. So many times I say things that sound great in my head, but once they're out of my mouth they come out in a wrong way and I've offended so many people it's not even funny. I am SO not that person. But obviously I am because I can't get my thoughts in order before I speak. My friends laugh and tell me that they know what I'm trying to say. Those who aren't as close to me take offense and then I get those "polite" smiles which really means they'd like to kill me as soon as I turn around. Which bothers my heart because my heart does ache when people don't like me.
So my goal this year is to think and think hard before I open my mouth. This is going to take some serious restraint and lots of time on my knees petitioning the Lord. Sigh. But first things first, I'd better go and apologize again to the bishopric member. Because even though this event is not 100% my fault it could have been less of a gong show if I had thought a few of my sentences over in my head. Overall though, this has been a HUGE learning experience and even though I tell myself that I'm young. I'm not. I'm almost 30. I've been in the church my whole life. I've spend the last 4 years in presidencies and I should be able to bite my tongue and to be able to be more articulate and kinder in my words. So the learning continues and so does the growth.
2 comments:
you are wonderful don't be to hard on yourself! we all say things we wish we shouldn't have after the face and sometimes there are just some people who can't handle us no matter what we do or say no fault of our own! I'm sure it will all blow over and be alright this too shall pass! You really are a joy to be around and i miss you ! good to have goals but don't be to hard on yourself you are committed, a great mother, beautiful, fun and sassy! thats laura and we love you!!!
I ditto what Christal has just said! I think it is a good goal to try to be kinder in word (as the primary song says, haha) but I think sometimes people will LOOK for the negative no matter how we said it. I think that as long as the primary president and presidency know what is going on, that is all you can do. You report to the primary pres, she reports to the bishopric member. If he is getting involved and NOT going to the PP himself, then I wouldn't worry about it. Anyways, I could be way off base cause I don't even know what happened, but I wouldn't worry and be so hard on yourself. You can't change the past, you can just move forward and be better in the future, which you've made a resolve to do. Good luck with that goal! But as Christal said, you are great as you are. I love how open you are, it is one of my fav things about you! :)
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